THE ART OF PARENTING BY AKHIL V MOORTHY

Parenting is an art in which the parents are the sculptors and the children are the stone that is being sculpted. It is through the tool called “discipline” that the parents achieve this feat. 

The most important and the very first contact a child has with this outer world is with his or her parents. They make a long-lasting impact on the lives of every child.

Whenever children make mistakes, parents discipline them so that they won’t make the same mistake again, but sometimes this disciplining doesn’t always give the intended result. Some may take severe measures to discipline their children while others take the least measure to do this. The doctrine of proportionality says that “the measure must not be more drastic than is necessary for attaining the desired result”. It is in finding the balance between these two that the best parenting lies.

​Before judging whether the children are right or wrong, we should listen to them. As the moral and ethical standards in them are still evolving, they fail to recognise between right and wrong. The intention in the mind of the child may be good while the action which they have taken might be wrong. In these kinds of situations, parents should understand the underlying intentions and try to augment the good part by making them understand the right way to show their emotions.


​Every action has its own consequences and like that, every action also has an underlying reason. Sometimes the behaviour of the children must be nothing but the imitation of what the parent shows them. Children are like white paper. Whatever we show them through our habits, they grasp them very easily.   If we need to make a difference then we have to be a model for them, because we are their first teacher.

We all must have heard that “prevention is better than cure”. Preventing undesirable behaviour from happening is better than curing the behaviour. We need to identify the root cause of the behaviour. Apart from parents, a child’s behaviour is determined by other external factors like TV, social media, friends, etc. It is true that we cannot always be on surveillance, but we can spend some time every day talking to them and knowing what happened at school.   

Believe me, children love talking. Once you initiate the conversation, you will get all the details that happened in the school. Thus we will get to know the source of the bad behaviour if there is any. This will help us in taking away the root cause or to at least be cautious of the upcoming behaviour.

There's an old adage that says, "I am their parent, not their frined.'" While this may be partly true, it's also important for us to be a safe space for our chidlren - someone they can go to in times of need.  
When something happens, they should think “my parents are there for me to help me". There is nothing wrong with disciplining them but there is a right way, right time and right level for this. 

We should also make sure that our molding methods are not breaking their hearts and affecting them mentally. Also, the disciplining steps shouldn’t be used to force your own ideologies onto them. Khalil Gibran said about children - “They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”

At the end of the day, they are children.
Love them and show them how to love.
Nourish them and show them the right path.
Teach them how to think but do not think for them.
Make sure that while sculpting, not to be very harsh on them.
Only chip away those parts that would bring out the best sculpture in them.​

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